i think i may just have to kick an old lady in the shins.

this lady who works in the same office building as i do keeps harassing Robert Plant! (that's my ivy for those of you who aren't in the know.) the other day when i came to work, i noticed a pile of leaves under him. i thought this odd because some of the leaves weren't dead but just a little yellowed. they were also very neatly arranged, but i assumed he must have just shed them naturally. then, the crazy lady comes in and tells me that she watered and groomed Robert. wtf?!?! did i ask her to do this task? was she even given permission to enter my Dilbert cubicle? who appointed her the role of ivy plant police? because i was taught to respect my elders, i let it slide. then yesterday she came in again and started chiding me for not watering him. he's my freakin' plant! if i want to withhold his sustenance for my own sadomasochistic reasons, that's my call. i was entrusted with Robert Plant when his first owner moved to some backwoods, in-bred state, and i've managed to keep him alive for over a year without the plant trooper patrol. perhaps i'll forego the shin kicking and resort to an elaborate booby trap. that way i can avoid working and discourage her shenanigans in one fell swoop.