sad depressed guilty angry numb hurt grateful who knows

my friend passed away early Thursday morning. needless to say, i don't think i did very well on my midterm. i've been so sad these last few days, and i've cried until i couldn't cry anymore. i have had several friends die before but never a really good one like Adam. he was someone who i confided in about a lot of personal things and someone who made me laugh all the time. i find myself feeling a whole range of things. i feel sad and depressed to think that i will never see his huge smile again. i feel guilty that i hadn't hung out with him these last two semesters since i've been so busy, and i was planning on calling him up this week for Spring Break. i feel angry. not at anyone in particular. just that life sucks. and i hurt inside. i feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. i am grateful that i have such great memories, and i am very glad that i got to know such a beautiful person. his presence in my life was a gift that i will always remember fondly.

on a similar note, when i die, i don't want my funeral to resemble a church service in any way. no hymns or sermons, please. instead, i want my friends and family to remember the good times. play some good music that i loved. show crazy pictures. if people want to cry, that's okay, but i want a lot of laughing, too. i want it to reflect me and not be about something that i wasn't. that's for the record.