Dear fried foods,
i'm sorry to have to tell you what i'm going to tell you. it's over. yes, our affair is finished. finite. no more. we've had some great times, you and i. remember the time i ate the foot long corny dog, funnel cake, fried Twinkie, and fried Snickers at the fair? what about that really delicious experience i had last week when i ate the jumbo curly fries from the local hamburger stand? and who can forget our regular meetings at Popeye's where i disregard potential bird flu and heart burn in order to eat some spicy chicken strips? but, alas, i cannot continue this torrid romance any longer. today, i felt sharp stabbing pains in my chest area. and yesterday, my size eight jeans cut off the blood supply to my legs. i love you, fried foods, but i love my legs more. so farewell. there are no words to describe how i will miss you in my life. it won't even be a life without you. perhaps, on occasion, i will run into you in a dark alley or glimpse you from a distance, but for now, i must say goodbye.
lovingly,
christine
lovingly,
christine
posted by christine on Monday, February 27, 2006
3 Comments:
You're such a liar! The pain you feel is just that lump o coal rolling around your empty chestcavity. I give it 19 minutes before you eyeball some poor fried morsel of perfection screaming "GET IN MA BELLY!" You know what they say "once you go fat, you never go back!"
I had to give up the delicious flavors of the fried foods once. It was a dark time...
Luckily, once the docs yanked that pesky gall bladder out of me through my belly button, I started eating sticks of butter as a side for the fried chicken, gravy, and peanut butter and lard sammiches.
PHAT BASTARD- you are fat. and a bastard. i've gone much longer than 19 minutes. in fact, i wrote this letter after i got up in the middle of the night to eat a spicy, crispy McChicken sammich on Saturday. i haven't succumbed to any tantalizing fried morsels yet, and it's freakin' Tuesday morning!
michael- i can eat butter sticks as long as they aren't fried. i'm taking baby steps.
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