happy St. Patty's Day

hope everyone is crying in their green beer by midnight. i, however, will not be among the jolly Irish today. i have a history of bad luck on this holiday. i won't share the details, but let me just tell you that this history involves drinking, alleged vandalism, drinking, a vehicle afire, drinking, some fire trucks, drinking, the police, drinking, someone trying to kick down my door, drinking, more police, and drinking...all in the same evening. now, i just paint my middle fingernail green so when people ask me, "where's your green," i just flip 'em the bird and say, "i've got you're green right here, asshole."