Friday, January 11, 2008

reality blogging (again!)

today's the day for Cornelius Consuelo to be born. (didn't i say that last week?) we're giving it another go, and if he doesn't cooperate, the doc is going in to get him. take that!

4:oo am- my new shower has opposite controls as my old one. when i got in, the water felt a little cold so, still half asleep, i turned the knob...the wrong way. i smelled the searing flesh before i felt it. not a good way to start a long day.

4:45 am- we had been told to get to the hospital between 4:30 and 5:oo. i called to make sure. the damn nurse said to be there at 5:45. i could have slept in another hour. damn her! i'll be sure to take it out on everyone once we arrive. maybe i'll stop for breakfast.

6:15 am- we have the worst nurse ever! she's very by the book. she refuses to start G.D.'s induction until her tongue ring comes out, but she can't get it out. it's been in there for years.

7:45 am- the tongue ring came out on its own. guess all that tugging loosened it. good thing G.D. didn't choke on it, or we'd be filing a lawsuit for crappy care.

8:00 am- the induction has been stopped. the baby is transverse. it's using G.D.'s pelvis like a hammock. it's not a lounge, Cornelius! it's a womb.

8:15 am- this hospital is the worst ever! i was on the phone with a member of G.D.'s church when a rude douche bag came in and yelled, 'do you want a C section?' we both looked at him but were speechless. i thought he was accidentally in the wrong room. he said he was an anesthesiologist. G.D. replied that, no, she did not want a C section. the douche proceeded to explain that if G.D. did not do everything the nurse asked her to do, that's exactly what she was going to get. wtf?!?! we explained that G.D. had done everything the nurse had asked her so he needed to simmer down. he thought we had messed with the monitors. what the fuck is it with those damn monitors? that's the same reason the Nazi nurse yelled at her last week. you know, back in the day, women had all kinds of births without monitors. anyway, the guy stormed out after a couple of our bewildered comments.

12:00 pm- the doctor came in and broke G.D.'s water so she's having this baby today somehow or another. i'm also giving the baby a spanking as soon as i see him because he's been so bad throughout this whole experience.

3:24 pm- about four centimeters dilated. G.D. is grouchy from the labor. i need a Rockstar.

6:00 pm- G.D. ended up getting an epidural. her last two kids were delivered without one, but this one is just a problem child. G.D. was tired and super grouchy. well actually, she was prob grouchy because the nurse is a weirdo. she keeps asking G.D. to be her best friend. i've already told her that, no, she will not be her best friend. i've also had to snap at her when G.D. was having a contraction and the nurse wanted her to roll over. can she not fucking wait? sheesh. G.D. is about nine centimeters dilated. i will get to meet Cornelious Consuelo Fuckwin soon.

7:00 pm- baby here! i don't remember the exact time, but it was around 6:30. G.D. did so great. she pushed him out like it was nothing, and he was huge! i got to cut the cord, too. so we've already bonded. i guess he won't get his spankings after all. we thought today would never come! and to top things off, today is the 11th which has a lot of significance in my family as a great day. i will be thanking God in my prayers tonight for things going so well.


Blogger Babeski said...


1/12/2008 01:55:00 PM  

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