Tuesday, March 04, 2008

i love my little Macaroni.

today was a shitty day.

i have a little bit of a cold. it's not too bad, but it was worse yesterday when i called in to work. i figured i'd call in again today to make sure i was rested. i'm glad i did. at around six in the morning, my little girl weasel went into seizures. she'd been sick for some time. i had done my best to care for her. unfortunately, i couldn't do enough this time. i tried to bring her out of seizure by raising her blood sugar. it didn't work. she seized off and on for a while. i decided to try to take a little nap and hope she came out of it on her own. i woke up to her screaming like no animal should ever scream. i comforted her the best i could until she quieted down, but i still could not stop the seizing. i was reluctant to take her to the vet because i knew the doctor would say it was time for her to rest for good. i waited as long as i could until my heart bled for her suffering. then i called the vet's office and told them i was coming. as i drove down there, i knew i would not be bringing her home. i cried the whole way, and i talked to her to comfort her. she seemed less scared when i had her pressed against my chest.

at the vet's office, i was told what i expected to hear. they could try to help her this once, but what would happen the next time she started seizing again? what if i was at work and couldn't help her? (not that i was much help anyway.) her little body had been suffering for several hours already. i did what i knew was right in my heart and signed the papers.

because she was such a tiny animal, euthanasia involves a shot to the heart. they gave her some anesthesia first so she wouldn't feel it. then they carried her in to me so i could say good bye. i didn't want them to take her away. i didn't want to come home without her.

my heart is breaking into a million pieces. she was tiny, but i loved her so much. i do feel comfort in knowing she's no longer hurting or scared. and now i'm worried about my other one. how will he feel now that she's gone? he will need extra attention. i plan to let him roam free around the house. he's very smart and capable, and the only reason i didn't let him run free before was because it wouldn't have been fair to Macaroni. but now it's just me and Simon. so we'll just have to stick it out together.


Blogger Michael said...

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I've had pets my entire life, and had to put my cat down a little over a year ago. Its amazing how much these little critters get embedded in our hearts and lives.

3/06/2008 12:03:00 AM  
Blogger christine said...

thank you. i actually thought about you and your cat after i had Macaroni put down. i guess in 7 years she just weaseled her weasely self into my heart pretty deep.

3/07/2008 09:23:00 AM  

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