Monday, May 12, 2008

christine the cat killer

i may have killed a cat. it all started with my crazy neighbors. they were feeding a cat on my property which i didn't mind too much. i love animals, and even though i'm severely allergic to cats, i figured the cat lingering in front of my house was not that big a deal. then the neighbors had to get weird about it. i noticed cat food sprinkled on some decorative concrete step stones in front of my kitchen window. i think this is odd, but again it's not that big a deal. a while back, though, i found a pile of cat food on my drive way by the garage door. this i didn't like. i don't want to encourage the damn cat. and i sure don't need an ant problem. i figured if the act occurred again, i'd leave a note that said, "THIS FOOD MAY OR MAY NOT BE LACED WITH LSD." i figured that would stop any future cat food problems. however, i never saw any more piles on my driveway. then the other night, i stayed at my sister's watching Fight Club until two in the morning, and when i got home, there was a humongous freakin' pile again. but this time there were about a zillion giant cockroaches having a feast. i went postal. i grabbed a giant can of Raid and went on a murdering spree. so now my other neighbors must think i'm insane because i was screaming as the bugs ran and cussing up a storm at the whole ridiculous situation. i saturated the pile of kibble and then sprayed all along the outside of my house. my plan was to clean it up the next day when it was daylight, but i forgot. when i finally did go outside, i noticed all the food and dead bugs had been cleaned. the cat food dish was suddenly not on my property. and the cat has been no where to be seen. i think i poisoned it. i have another animal story that i will post later today. it comes complete with pictures.

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