i think i have a tapeworm.

because i've been eating McDonald's nonstop in a pathetic attempt at winning a major Monopoly prize, but yet i'm still losing weight. despite this little goldmine, i've decided to put myself on a diet. the plan was to follow a sensible eating plan, but things went awry this morning when i inadvertently stumbled onto a great appetite suppressant. sugar! that's right. as i hunched over my coffee cup with the sugar container, i must have fallen asleep. when i woke up, my coffee was more like syrup than a drinkable beverage, but that didn't deter me. no sir. people in third world countries are wasting away so i felt the need to consume my drink regardless of how it would affect my digestive system. so chug a lug i go. it really upset my stomach. to the point where i could barely even use the caramel latte lipgloss that i'm pretty much just squirting into my mouth because it tastes so yummy. so while this diet may not work for, say, diabetics or people actually wanting to lose weight, it kind of works for me. i'm just going to go with it.