now hiring
being christine is a lot of work. i think i need an assistant to help with the mundane things such as pointing and laughing at illiterates buying Cliffsnotes, sighing loudly when self righteous dolts use words out of context, and going on MickeyDs runs in search of needed Monopoly pieces. the job doesn't pay. but you'll be working for me, and, well, who can put a price on that? if you can tell the difference between sarcasm and satire, can quote at least one Seinfeld episode in its entirety, and don't own a copy of an Ashley Simpson CD, then i invite you to apply. here are some sample questions that will appear on the application in order to give you a feel for it. (go getters, feel free to respond to these in a post.)
1. weasels are to measles as orange is to _______
2. name 2 traits about yourself that give other people the creeps and yet make you the best candidate for the job.
3. was He-Man gay? please give a brief justification for your answer.
4. an elephant is walking across Africa at a lightening quick speed of 50 miles per hour. a cheetah is coming from the opposite direction at a pokey 10 miles per hour. if both start on opposite sides of the continent at 3AM, what will happen when the two meet somewhere in Elbonia?
5. if given the choice, would you rather have A) the ability to spot Waldo in the blink of an eye B) a third arm C) a purple people eater or D) this job. explain.
6. i recently learned that 8 out of every 10 people will, in their lifetime, go temporarily insane and run around their local Applebee's wearing only some strategically placed popsicle sticks and claiming to be the Dictator of Canada. do you expect to be one of the 8 or the 2?
7. did Doogie Houser just steal my car?
8. list 5 uses for Texas Tech's The Daily Toreador.
9. Soylent Green is people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. you're starving. there is no food in the fridge, your cell phone committed suicide, and the newest episode of The Real World is about to start. how do you handle this dilemma?
the fine print:
i am not an equal opportunity employer. i judge, stereotype, label, and play favorites. get over it.
1. weasels are to measles as orange is to _______
2. name 2 traits about yourself that give other people the creeps and yet make you the best candidate for the job.
3. was He-Man gay? please give a brief justification for your answer.
4. an elephant is walking across Africa at a lightening quick speed of 50 miles per hour. a cheetah is coming from the opposite direction at a pokey 10 miles per hour. if both start on opposite sides of the continent at 3AM, what will happen when the two meet somewhere in Elbonia?
5. if given the choice, would you rather have A) the ability to spot Waldo in the blink of an eye B) a third arm C) a purple people eater or D) this job. explain.
6. i recently learned that 8 out of every 10 people will, in their lifetime, go temporarily insane and run around their local Applebee's wearing only some strategically placed popsicle sticks and claiming to be the Dictator of Canada. do you expect to be one of the 8 or the 2?
7. did Doogie Houser just steal my car?
8. list 5 uses for Texas Tech's The Daily Toreador.
9. Soylent Green is people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. you're starving. there is no food in the fridge, your cell phone committed suicide, and the newest episode of The Real World is about to start. how do you handle this dilemma?
the fine print:
i am not an equal opportunity employer. i judge, stereotype, label, and play favorites. get over it.
posted by christine on Sunday, November 20, 2005
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