random news

scientists have discovered a 'singing' iceberg. unfortunately, icebergs don't get around much so it only sings disco tunes and church hymns.

Texas police have arrested the French 'Spiderman.' for those of you who don't know who that is, it's the man who scales tall buildings because he has nothing better to do with his time. as usual, however, the media has twisted the story into a blatant lie. according to reporters on the scene, le Spiderman was arrested for criminal trespassing and possession of narcotics. the truth is that they arrested him for being a pantywaisted Frenchman. here in Texas, we don't stand for that kind of atrocity.

China has been turned into a giant toxic playground. the Chinese government assures the world that the crisis was handled efficiently even though 3.8 million people were without water and those with access to water were spontaneously growing second heads. is anyone attempting to clean up the poisonous, glowing goop? the Chinese government says, 'no. it will be Russia's problem in two weeks. they only drink vodka so everything's A-ok.'