Monday, October 20, 2008

dumb, dumb bastard

who? me! for several reasons.

-Saturday night i was in a good mood. (good mood does not equal drunk, you alcoholics!) so i was in a hurry to pick up my peep and go shopping before Target closed. as i picked him up, he handed me a beer which i quickly opened. (i digress here to reminisce about the good ol' days when Texas did not have open container laws. you could booze it up all day long in your car. sigh.) so as i hurtled down the street at like sixty miles an hour in a forty five, there was a cop that i saw and that my peep quickly pointed out. did i slow down? nope. so then some other peep texted me. with my beer in one hand and my cell in the other, i started driving with my knee. i swerved in and out of the lane next to mine which just happened to be the one the cop was in. he didn't care. he was prob drinking and driving, too. and texting. and eating a donut.

-i am passing out from lack of junk food. i have sworn it off for two weeks to help jump start my progress in the Biggest Loser at work. well it's a late start seeing as how all last week i binged on cake and sausage. i also ditched the gym. i don't want to weigh in tomorrow seeing as how i probably gained fifty pounds. i don't want to explain my complete lack of enthusiasm to my gung-ho boss.

-i'm thinking of buying a neon "LIVE NUDES" sign and planting it on someone's patio. a very conservative someone. serves him right for being a douche.

-i spend way too much time laughing by myself in my Dilbert cubicle. i'm pretty sure my co-workers question my sanity. fortunately, most of them are too scared to confront me.

-my neuroscience specialist doctor has some foreign name. it does sound very similar to So Do Me. i'm going to call him that until he says something.

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