cosmic bowling

on Saturday night, i thought it would be nice to take my nephew out for some cosmic bowling. (that's when they turn out the lights, crank up the tunes, and everything glows under black lights.) he turned thirteen earlier in the week, and i thought he needed to let loose with us adults. so the fam congregates, and we're ready to get our drink on. Gold Digger goes to buy a pitcher, and the piece of shit bar doesn't sell pitchers after nine or some nonsense. and the piece of shit bartender won't sell more than one beer at a time. what a crock! so Tangerine Dream and i try to go up there, but our licenses are expired so the cunt won't sell to us. i show her my Texas Tech student I.D. she says it's meaningless to her. well let me tell her what it means. it means that in another thirty years, she will still be working her crap, minimum wage job at the bowling alley while i'm sunning it up on a beach using my retirement money to stay looking young. for a while, G.D. just buys beers, and we are sharing and passing around. T.D. had an arm band that, at a glance, could pass for one from the bowling alley, but mine was naked. i just had to drink on the D.L. but the beers were three bucks a piece. that's crap. so we went to the beer store and bought a twenty pack and just snuck in the beer. our mom didn't raise fools. so we drank and drank to our heart's content without spending five hundred dollars. yay! so i'm not the best bowler (even though i somehow managed to win one game.) T.D. was trying to help me improve my form with unwanted advice. he even bowled once with the over-the-top professional form where your arm goes over your head, and your right leg sticks out to your left until you're almost on the floor. really he looked like a buffoon. but the dude one lane over said, 'nice form.' i immediately start telling everyone that he was warm for T.D.'s form. yes, i'm as mature as they come. overall, it was a fun night full of celebration and laughter. next time we'll know to just bring the beer ourselves.