Thursday, September 20, 2007

jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes

-so Tangerine Dream's surgery went well, but only time will tell if it was really botched. he cried like a little girl which was expected.

-i dropped my sunglasses in the toilet. yuck. i've been meaning to go buy a new pair but have been putting it off. now i have a good reason. i felt them falling, heard the clatter, and then the awful kerplunk. now, every time i go outside, i can feel my retinas sizzle. soon i'll need my own eye surgery if i don't hurry and replace those damn sunglasses.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

the eye of the beholder

today is Tangerine Dream's laser eye surgery. i get to watch, and i plan on taking a box of Junior Mints for refreshment during the procedure. i will post a post post-op to give an update.

Monday, September 17, 2007

2nd conversation of the day

man, two prize winners, and it's barely two! this conversation took place with the same man as the first one from today. it's in regards to the fact that i'm leaving work for a brief time tomorrow so that i can witness Tangerine Dream's laser eye surgery. it took place via IM since, as mentioned in the previous convo, he was moved down the hall.

co-worker: are you taking a two hour lunch tomorrow?

me: yes. you already said i could, you senile old man!!!

co-worker: just making sure the geritol is working.


conversation of the day

a guy who sits in my area at work is being moved down the hall to make room for a new person in my department. he was at his old desk gathering the last of his things and not even talking to me.

co-worker: i'm just getting the last of my stuff out of your way.

me: why don't you try getting yourself out of our way!!!

co-worker: man, i'm going to miss the rays of sunshine you cast around you.

me: don't worry. i'll send some via email.

co-worker: i'm sure you will...


Friday, September 14, 2007

christine v. the U.S. Postal Service

(quick apologies for the lack of posts. my life is in a weird place, but i hope to get back on track soon.)

i think the U.S. Postal Service is trying to kill me. no, i'm not delusional, paranoid, or experiencing grandiose ideations. let me rewind and give you some background. a couple of weeks ago, i went to get my mail. i was standing there and opened up the first letter i grabbed when a giant monstrosity of a spider crawled out from between two of the envelopes i was holding. i never was afraid of spiders until my recent severe allergic reactions to spider bites. ever since, i'm terrified of anything that even barely looks spiderish. so i took all the mail i was holding and shoved it back into the mailbox, locked it up, and ran away screaming. i haven't bothered to look in there since. then i ordered some books off of Amazon. so i was checking it regularly for a package locker key, but i was not sticking my hand in there. if the key had been there, i'd have grabbed a (spider free) twig and wrangled it out, but since there was no key, i would just quickly lock the mailbox back up and leave.

after a while with no package key, i tracked my package, and it said that there was an attempt at delivery. that's a bold faced lie! so i decided to go up to the post office and retrieve my much needed package. i stopped by my mailbox thinking that i could grab the little slip of paper they leave you that notifies you of a missed delivery. i peered into my box, and all that mail i had been neglecting was gone. (so was the spider, thank God.) they stole my mail! so i went up to the post office sans package notifying slip and talked to a nice guy who gave me my package but could not locate my mail. he did, however, give me the supervisor's name and number.

so i called. she was a crusty old lady who informed me that my mail was returned to sender. son of a bitch! apparently, the mailman sent it back because i didn't pick it up in a timely manner. i told the old bat that it was no one's business how often i pick up my mail. then i called her employee a lazy douche who never even attempts to deliver a package because we have package mailboxes specifically designed for (gasp!) packages and yet my package was at the post office.

so i got to thinking. how exactly did the spider get into my locked box? did it have a key? i don't think so. did it evolve out of a stamp? hardly. it was planted! i know it. then after i picked up the much anticipated package from the post office, i noticed a weird rash on my hand. see? they're trying to kill me. what's my life coming to when i need a hazmat uniform just to pick up my mail...
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