Friday, November 30, 2007

Project Runway

is anyone else watching this season? did anyone see that last episode? if not, let me fill you in. the contestants were assigned what seems to be a pretty arduous task: menswear. They each had to design an appropriate outfit for Tiki Barber to wear on Good Morning America or whatever show he's currently on. i guess menswear is harder than women's, and most of the designers had never done anything for a man. needless to say, some of the designs were outright horrific! one lady's shirt was so bad, it was reminiscent of Theo's Gordon Gartrelle knock-off shirt on The Cosby Show. i'm serious. the sleeves were too short, and the collar was so jacked it didn't even look like something made for a human (or by a human for that matter.) another designer didn't even have time to do a shirt so she just draped some fabric over her model so as not to send him down the runway topless. (which would probably been better so that the judges would have been distracted by his six pack rather than the ridiculous cloth hanging on him.) anyway, it made for some good TV.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

the ideal mate

remember i said i was going to post my ideal mate so that you guys could hook me up with potential boyfriends? well here goes. now, it will come off as shallow and nit-picky, but remember that this is my ideal mate. i'm flexible on all counts except for a couple which i will clearly state. so here goes...

Physical Traits
- i am naturally attracted to really thin guys. toned is okay but overly muscular is a turn off. i like dark hair. height doesn't really matter to me.

- the douche bag must be intelligent. this trait is imperative. i don't like dumb people. seriously. also, i'm a little moody and mean. so if this guy cries like a little girl when someone calls him a diarrhea face or something of that nature, just forget it. i'm also high strung which means i need someone laid back. i like schedules and abhor change. but i admire people who are the opposite. i'd like someone who is read up on current events. political affiliations don't matter. people that know me are surprised at how liberal i am, and people who don't know me are surprised at how conservative i am so i guess you could say i am middle of the road depending on the issue. i'd love a reader. someone who could discuss books with me. someone who likes to hang out at coffee houses, watch movies, watch some TV, go dancing at clubs, and doesn't do drugs. i love to travel and am going to Madrid next year. maybe i will have someone to go with me by then. i love all types of music with my main loves being electronic and classical so something similar would be nice. i love going to shows and hearing live music. i never get tired of doing it. i often wear crazy clothes, funky colored hair, and do obnoxious things so anyone who embarrasses too easily can just forget it. my family is a nightmare so if this person scares easily, they can just go away. i would love a jogging and/or gym buddy. i can't cook so if this man can, that's bonus points. (i can bake a mean cheesecake, though.) and i'm great with managing finances and all that hum drum stuff, but i'm not so good with fixing things. so if someone could handle those problems, then great. if you're a smoker, then you'd better meet a lot of the other criteria. social smoking is fine. i get up early just about every day, but i'm not a morning person. i'd like a night owl like myself.

(you'd think i wouldn't need to include this category, but you'd be surprised.)
-i like people who bathe. i'm also a teeth freak. while i don't expect everyone to get theirs professionally cleaned every other day like myself, i do expect daily brushings. (guys, if you're complaining that you're not getting laid enough, check your breath and teeth hygiene. trust me. it'll do wonders.)

Work Ethic
-i am a hard worker and would like a hard worker. if this man's had the same job for a long time, bonus points for him. i was raised that a man should take care of his family and not be a lazy bastard who shops on the internet all day long. (income is not important.)

-i love animals but am allergic to everything. no indoor cats or long haired dogs.

-i really think i want a baby. i went by the nursery yesterday, and the tiny babies are so cute! so if this man already has kids, great. (i know you'd think i'd be a lousy mother, but on the contrary, i'm quite good at it. i have much more patience with children who are learning the ropes than with adults who should know better.) so anyone who wants to be my baby daddy, call me!

i almost forgot! i'm not leaving Texas for anyone but Matt Damon so they must be willing to relocate or already live here.

Friday, November 23, 2007


who's bright idea was it to put Thanksgiving on a Thursday?! no one wants to come to work with a gravy hangover. especially me.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

well crap.

this town blows. i'm dying to see the new Coen brothers film seeing as how i am a huge fan and it is getting rave reviews. but this piece of shit town is only showing it at the shittiest theater ever imagined. it was built in the 1400s and the experience there is equivalent to watching someone enact the damn movie with hand puppets. i don't know if i should rough it and go see it or wait. what should i do?!?!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

my mind is slipping, Dave.

i am almost too embarrassed to blog this...

i'd like to think that i'm a rational person with common sense. and i know i have a higher than average IQ. so what possessed me to do what i did is beyond all comprehension. it did make me laugh, however, that may have been the fumes. (you'll understand what i mean once you finish reading this post.)

i was cleaning last night. (i know, it's a shocker, but it's true.) i was also doing laundry. so i needed to dust and grabbed the Pledge from under the sink, sprayed something real quick, and wiped it. then i remembered my laundry so i ran to the laundry room to put everything in the dryer. when i came back to my apartment, i noticed a weird smell. it was a pungent, rather disgusting odor, but i couldn't figure out what it was. i decided to sort some mail and not think about it, but the entire time, the smell was making my stomach hurt. i thought it was my insane neighbor, but i couldn't tell where the smell was coming from. my balcony door was open so i thought maybe it was something outside. when i went to get my laundry, i didn't notice anything weird outside. only in my apartment...

much later i was walking past the table i had dusted and noticed i had used Raid to dust it. it was in a pink can, and i usually buy the pink can of Pledge. i didn't even know i had Raid, but i guess it was left over from my summer spider scare. maybe i need to put child locks on my cabinets.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

being completely non-productive

i love me some Pogo games. it used to be that with an AOL account, you could play all the games, but then those greedy bastards denied us the use of the club Pogo ones. so i've just been content with the freebies. but they gave me a taste of the forbidden fruit when they gave me a two week pass. i've been playing Makeover Madness a lot. those stupid bitches are never satisfied with their hairdos! and at work, i've been playing Blooop. i'm not sure how much club Pogo costs, but i don't want to give up my premium games next week. oh, the agony!

Friday, November 09, 2007

babies on the brain

my sister let me go with her to see her sonogram. (yes, she's pregnant with her 80th kid.) it was fun! we found out it was another boy which is just what she wanted. the nurse could not get a clear picture of the baby's face because he was shy and had his little arm over it. he did not, however, have a problem showing us his little man parts. those were exposed for the whole world to see. typical man.

anyhow, she has not yet decided on a name. i like Edison. she likes Vince. not sure what her man likes yet. her smallest son came up with a good one, though. he thought it up himself. Fuquwin. well we're not sure how to spell it since he's only three, and he can't spell. could be Fuckwin. either way, it's catchy. this is the same kid who could not pronounce truck when he was little and would say fuck instead. i'm beginning to see a trend, and i like it. i really don't think you can say the F word too many times in one day. it's versatile, too, seeing as how it can be used as an adjective, a noun, a verb, an exclamation, and now a name. lucky fetus with all its possibilities.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


this post was going to be about my NaNoWriMo adventure. but it would have just been a bunch of lame excuses and half truths. so instead...let's talk about Sonic's new macaroni bites! they're so delicious that i almost stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on just to enjoy them properly. if you have not had these, i really think you should. they will make your day just that much better.

Monday, November 05, 2007

overly ambitious

i am really good about accomplishing my goals, but i am a huge procrastinator. i also have the attention span of a fruit fly. these two things in combination with my caffeine dependency* mean that i often squander my time gagging lollies. so i've undertaken a hugely ambitious new plan. it's a schedule. that's right, folks, i've become one of those people who divides her day into little pieces and then does something productive. it's very rigid, and i hope to follow it relentlessly for now until i can become flexible without spending the day shopping online or hanging out at the coffee shop. don't fret, though. i scheduled plenty of downtime on the weekends for hanging out, reading, watching TV, or surfing the web. i also scheduled some major gym time since i've been wallowing in McRib sauce for the last week. i'm not sure if i can adhere to a personal schedule. i can't even adhere to my work schedule. i pretty much just come and go to the office as i please. mainly, though, no one is holding me accountable. it's just me monitoring myself, and i cheat and lie a lot. hmmm. this will end in disaster, i'm sure.

*speaking of caffeine, my sister bought me this new hot chocolate that has the caffeine equivilance of a coffee. yay! my two loves are married. my life is complete.
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