i think i might barf.

i got home and was about to watch Criminal Minds when i noticed the new game show, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, was on. i thought i'd scope it out. it was a sickening display of stupidity. a young, black woman had to quit after she reached $100,000 because she didn't know how many decades were in 2 millennia. (it's 200 in case you're a dolt like her.) and, before you applaud her for getting that far, she had to have help on several questions from a 10 year old. he told her which country has the longest border with the U.S. and how many sides are on a trapezoid. she also had to pray that she got the right answer to "what star is closest to the Earth?" if you cannot bet your life that the Sun is, you should just kill yourself right now because you're as dumb as dirt. and to top it all off, she called the library, the liberry. ahh! what a way to showcase Americans.

lofty goals

Spring Break is about a week and a half away. unfortunately, i will be not going anywhere. here are the (impossibly) lofty goals i have set for myself:

-write my 40,000 word novel (which i started the other day and have completed a whopping 900 words.)
-read three books
-go to the gym every day
-work
-catch up on my rest, my soap, and my housework

none of this list is realistic so i'm essentially setting myself up for failure. i'm not sure why i torture myself.

i think i have a problem.

i'm obsessed with driving my car through Quick Quack's car wash. ever since the Paternal Unit told me about their $12.95 unlimited monthly washes, i'm hooked! whenever i see a speckle of dirt, i drive on through. i love their multi colored soap, and their free vacuums are spectacular. my trusty Honda has never been cleaner. i went again today. after Saturday's dust storm (see last post), i had to go. it's not my fault. Mother Nature is a whore! it's her fault. (inspired by NIN's new song lyrics. i can't wait for April 17th.) anyhoo, i'm glad the Quick Quack peeps did not give me a hassle since someone stole my license plate. yes, that's right. some jack off stole my plate- probably to go get unlimited washes! i think i can still squeeze in a couple of more Quick Quack visits before this month is up. i can quit if i want to, you know...

pitchers

i always say that i'm going to post pics or vids of a West Texas dust storm, and i never actually go out and take them. so i did the next best thing. i stole some off the news website. the first two are pictures of dirt, and the last one is an uprooted, ginormous tree. i'm glad i was stuck in the office all day because who wants to be out in that nightmare?

ketchup

- i took two days off of work to 'regroup' and perhaps stop hating my job. unfortunately, i had so much fun cleaning my apt and washing my car on those two days that i hate my job even more.

- we have gusts of wind up to 63 MPH today here in old Lubbcock. it sucks ass.

- there is a lot of construction going on in my office, and i gave this construction worker an ugly look. he asked me if he was making too much noise, and i said, 'no. i just felt like giving you a dirty look. is that okay?' he probably thinks i'm crazy.

- i pushed a co-worker out of my way the other day and told him to 'get out of my way, you old man.' i really think i need a vacation.

- i plan on spending Sunday curled up with some coffee and reading Macbeth. since it's one of my favorite works, i am truly looking forward to it.

- i had a very strange dream last night. part of it took place on the starship Enterprise, and part of it was on a farm on the edge of a big New York type city. there was a blue shape shifting being like Mystique from X-men only it was a male actor from Days of our Lives. there was a flood, too, i think. i woke up before it was finished which kinda sucks.

yikes

here's a vid of a bald monkey or something eating something. (pardon my inarticulacy. i'm tired.) anyhow, it's atop a building and looks like a gargoyle. i'd have pooped my pants if i'd seen it while traveling abroad. check it out about a minute in when it's sitting on the edge in gargoyle position. i'd strap some wings on that mother fucker and watch the people down below shriek in horror.

gargoyle

the Squidward look

footloose (or, more reasons why Lubbock sucks)

the Chippendales were here. Gold Digger wanted to go, but the show was on a Friday night. unfortunately, i work Saturday mornings so i said no. good thing. less than five minutes into the show, the outstanding Lubbsuck police arrested the dancers for...get this...dancing in an arousing manner. they were all wearing pants, and some of them had shirts on but it was too much for this conservative town. why didn't the city tell them that their show was too lewd for Lubbock and save them the trip? in my opinion, this arrest was going to happen one way or another because the police were on site from the get go. what a bunch of maroons!

i'm not dead.

just too busy to post.

happy VD!

i was going to write something bitter and jaded about VD like i usually do, but Bitter Half sent a huge rose and tulip bouquet to my work yesterday so i'm in a good mood. i took a pic with my cell phone to post here, but it didn't do it justice so i will take a pic with my digi cam and post one later. then everyone can ooh and ahh in unison.

mierda aleatoria

-i think those Mexicans, with their worthless peso and undrinkable water, are smarter than us Americans. why? because they believe in siestas. unfortunately, i just tried to indulge in one, and it didn't happen. nothing could be sadder.

-i have been reading non-stop these last few days. that means i've finished five novels and am working on 6 and 7, and i've been in school exactly one month today. i think they're trying to kill me so they don't have to give me a diploma, but it's not going to work, i say!

-i have nothing to look forward to this month. next month, however, is Spring Break. i hope mine consists of a lot of TV watching and some martinis and bloody marys. then, in April, i heard the new NIN CD is coming out. and, of course, graduation in May. i'm compartmentalizing my time in order to keep my sanity.

-my Saturday work schedule has changed so that instead of leaving around the time i need to worry about drunk drivers, i will be leaving at 7PM. i don't really know what to do with a free Saturday night, but i think it will involve copious amounts of liquor and maybe a little Scrabble to keep it intellectual.

-i just ate a sammich at Schlotzsky's, and i must say it hit all the spots. i don't know why i don't eat there more often.

iTunes has assigned me a new personality.

if you're a regular reader, you know i own and continue to purchase a lot of music. my music tastes vary greatly, and i own a lot of classical, rock, pop, etc, but i probably own more electronic and/or industrial than anything else. that being said, i like to utilize the "just for you" feature on iTunes. this is where music suggestions are placed according to past purchase history. i like to browse the "just for you" section to find new bands that i might like, or new songs from bands i know i already like. late last night, i had some time to check it out, and every suggested song was by either Rod Stewart, Barry Manilow, or Josh Groban. wtf?!?! i am in no way dissing these particular artists, but what did i buy that made all of my suggestions change so drastically? i thought long and hard about my last purchases, and i remember buying some Skinny Puppy, some Royskopp, and some Clint Mansell so nothing unusual there. something's afoot. anyway, i've got to go buy a Fanilow shirt and some lacy underwear (to throw at Rod Stewart.) it's all a part of my new personality.

M&M christine

remember when i turned myself into a Simpson's character? well, here's me as an M&M. notice the neon red hair, luxurious eyebrows, the new Nike Wafflo boots, and the perpetual cup of coffee in my hand. (yes this is another glimpse into my pathetic life.)

i might be blind or artistically inept. (another poll)

i need new Nikes like Bush needs a new vocabulary, and i'm thinking of designing my own on their website. it's harder than it looks because the color combinations are infinite. i came up with four which are presented here, and i need some feedback. please participate in my poll by choosing which design you like best, and then leave me a comment about a possible suggestion for what i can put on the NikeID thing. it can't be my name because it's limited to 8 characters. (and i think they frown upon vulgarity and profanity or some nonesense.)

A-

B-

C-

D-

finally!

the weather today is bee-yoo-tee-ful. i have been in a fabulous mood all day because i can go outside without seeing women in Uggs and my own breath. (my mood might also be slightly attributed to the fact that, as a class, we've pushed the due date of our first Ulysses paper forward two weeks which means i have three more weeks of procrastination. and i'm great with procrastination.) so off to the park i go with no more dilly dallying.

random thoughts

-Tangerine Dream got a new puppy today, and i told him to "bring him to my office so we can laugh at him." puppies are funny looking.

-i'm required to attend and participate in a 24 hour reading of Ulysses by James Joyce tonight (for school). i don't think i've ever hated life more.

-that damn prairie dog didn't see its shadow so this damn weather better be over.