who is: bitter half (b.h.)- the other half in this yummy/crummy relationship
golddigger (g.d.)- my older sister who is on the market for a rich old man to lavish her with material items
tangerine dream (t.d.)- my older brother who lives in Dallas and is too busy to comment on the best blog ever
Simon- weasel number 1
Macaroni- weasel number 2
my precious- the laptop that will go kick your laptop's ass if it gets anywhere near me
why are you so mean/rude/stuck up/hateful/blah/blah/blah?
fuck you.
how is your site best viewed?
you get all the eye candy with IE6, but as long as people can read, my words of enlightenment should make the world a better place.
who is that handsome devil in the profile pic with you?
why, that handsome devil is tangerine dream!
do you have any friends?
i don't have any that i like...
what i'm reading
(disclaimer: the thoughts, ideas, comments, pictures, recipes, and grocery lists contained herein may not be reflective of the opinions, beliefs, eating habits, dreams, or shoe sizes of the blog creator. please direct all questions, rants, raves, and/or proof of your stupidity to the talking walnut.)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
random pics
apparently i live with a superhuman who has the ability to become invisible, but their clothing doesn't.
here's Tangerine Dream and Bitter Half frying up two turkeys last Thursday. they did it at my apartment because according to dear old Dad, "we'll burn the house down." we didn't. these first two were taken while i was on the balcony because i was busy baking pies. talk about prepared! look at that table, and they even had a fire extinguisher in case of emergency.
here is the inaugural dunking.
and even though we were drinking Bitter Half's special eggnog, the turkeys came out dee-lish! here's the before and after shot.
-why weasel number 2 will use her litter box when i'm home but refuses to use it the second i leave the apartment. i think she's going through some kind of rebellious streak that seems to last her entire lifetime.
-the abundance of celebrity snatch shots available to the paparazzi. Britney Spears just joined that club. here are the very unflattering pictures if you care to see them (and they are not work friendly!): buy some underwear, Britney!
-how English majors can't grasp simple grammar. if you're expecting to write for a living, you should be able to put sentences together in a coherent manner.
-my ability to eat an entire pie in two days and still not pacify my sweet tooth.
-how much fluid i drink in one day! (and i don't mean the alcoholic kind, although i am considering upping that intake to a more tolerable level.) i think i have a medical condition.
so of course i hit the stores yesterday, but i think i spent more at Starbucks getting fueled up than on any actual merchandise. we skipped the early bird sales this year because, quite frankly, there was nothing worth getting up at dawn and running over old ladies with my shopping cart, but we did find some good deals. i snagged a router for thirty bucks, and it has an additional ten dollar rebate. Tangerine Dream scored some tools and a flash drive, and we pointed the parental units in the direction of a new computer since theirs is the technological equivalent of an abacus. plus, i ran into an old friend and got to laugh at the guinea pig at the pet store. man, it was a great day.
first, i'd like to apologize for being such a douchebag by not posting anything lately. i've just been busy with school and with moping around. anyway, taking the holiday into account, i'd like to post some reasons why i'm thankful this year:
1. i'm eternally grateful that i don't have this guy's life. to begin with, he dresses himself like a giant cigarette for a living and then he feels the need to be married to multiple wives simultaneously. all men i've ever met can barely handle one woman. that tool was crazy to think he could handle four.
2. words cannot express how thankful i am that i'm graduating this year. if i had to endure one more semester of Tech, i'd have lost the last inkling of intelligence i have left. wait a minute. i think i already lost that when i watched Shatner's new game show at the gym yesterday.
3. thank you, Chili Peppers, for giving me a reason to leave this p.o.s. town. my family probably thanks you, too, because my grumpiness was reaching astronomical levels.
4. i'm grateful for pumpkin pie coffee creamer. when i'm too lazy or cheap to visit Starbucks for the gourmet shit, this stuff makes my day.
5. i'm thankful that i finally dusted my entertainment center. turns out my TV isn't a black and white one after all.
6. finally, i'm super thankful for credit. with absolutely no money, i can still charge music and, in doing so, keep my sanity.
i've been a little down lately. i think it's because i'm just tired all the time. i thought maybe it was because i hadn't been going to the gym so i started back up again, but i'm still exhausted. plus now i'm sore, too. dammit. anyway, i decided to focus on things that cheer me up, and Futurama is one of them. i can't say this episode is my favorite, but the first few minutes of this particular one are probably my favorite few minutes. i love the old, crotchety Professor, and his behavior almost makes me wish i was old. i went ahead and posted the whole thing so if you have nothing better to do, you can watch it.
i don't have time to really comment, but there's a vid going around of Michael Richards (Seinfeld's Kramer) going on a racially charged tirade at a stand up gig. here's the link if you want to check it out: "Seinfeld" Alum Has Racially-Charged Outburst
(i can say that because i'm from Texas.) so i was bitchin' and moanin' to myself the other day about NIN's lack of touring. just as i was calling Reznor a pansy for taking a break after a straight two years of shows, i realized he hasn't taken a break but is trotting around Europe instead. since i wasn't able to hop into my private jet and fly myself to Germany, i was stuck with the notion that i was forever doomed to continue pretending that my car was a mosh pit whenever a good tune came on. however, looks like the good ol' Chili Peppers have come to my rescue. along with Gnarls Barkley, they will be in Big D come January. i have a reason to live!
if you're still reading this post in hopes of learning new and exciting sexual positions, you're in for a sure disappointment, my friend. (of course, by stating that warning, i've now attracted a whole new kind of perv to my blog.) here's a random list of my position on various topics.
global warming- i'm all for it! my favorite type of day is the one where you walk outside at midnight, and it's still hot. who needs glaciers anyway?
corn- it's disgusting. anything that comes out of you looking the same way it did when it went in should be banned from the category of food.
trickle down economics- well right now i'm against it. i'm almost at the bottom of the ladder, and there's nothing trickling down here. of course, once i'm a mighty financial power, i'll switch sides because, yes, i'm a fair weather friend. guinea pigs- i love guinea pigs! i've asked Bitter Half for one repeatedly, but he has set his foot down on this one. (i could easily just go get one myself, but B.H. rarely forbids me to do anything. i'm just giving him the semblance of a say so in this relationship.) gargoyles- i wish there were more gargoyles around. i wonder if i can buy a couple for my balcony.
Bobby Knight- super! i'm this close to inviting him to some of my classes so he can slap some classmates around. while he's at it, he can accompany me to work, too.
Top Chef- two thumbs up. i like to watch those yahoos get ridiculous assignments such as making a gourmet dish out of vending machine contents. i'd still rather just eat the snowballs, though.
i'm too busy to post because i'm actually having to work at work today so this vid is all you get. it's been circulating around, and it's pretty cute. i happen to like birds, and kiwis are downright funny looking.
i'm eating Chocolatey Lucky Charms out of the box because it seems all of my milk has expired. i'm also reading the news online. so i've eaten quite a few morsels when i look down and see an odd marshmallow. it's not a clover or a horseshoe or a moon etc. it's white, oval, and has rainbow speckles on it. it looks like an Easter egg. is this cereal that damn old? wtf?!?! so i look at the box, and there in the corner is a picture of this funky marshmallow. it says "sparkling, magic mirror." i think it's just leftover Easter cereal in a new package. i'm not buying it, General Mills! i've got my eye on you.
i came to work with high hopes. then i got stuck training someone from another area. she was nice and all, but quite frankly, my work time is my alone time. i like to blare inappropriate music and get my shit done. i don't like to have someone watching my every move. also, i'm super fast on the computer...so fast, in fact, that the human eye cannot register my typing. when i am training someone, i need to slow down so she can see, but even then i could tell i was going too fast. when i finally got used to the idea that i had a vulture in my cubicle, another trainee gets dropped off! wtf?!?! i asked if i was going to have a full-fledged audience soon. now i'm all keyed up. dammit.
-people in Florida shouldn't even be allowed to vote anymore. they can't work machine ballots or paper ballots, and now some senile freak of nature used a rare $200,000 stamp to mail in his/her vote. way to go, dumbass.
-"giant ravenous snails" are ruining crops in Barbados. the government is now recruiting volunteers to carry bucket sized salt shakers around.
well i went and saw Stranger than Fiction, and it was fabulous! Will Ferrell is nicely understated, and Emma Thompson's portrayal of a writer with writer's block is dead on. (perfect for all you NaNoWriMos!) unless you only like action movies, i highly recommend this one.
speaking of great things, my new favorite band is TV on the Radio. if you're not listening to them, you need to grab the nearest sharp object and stab out your eardrums because they're just going to waste anyway.
-call me delusional, but i'm positive that all of my instructors gathered over pricey coffee and planned out a way to screw me over royally. i kept thinking that, if i can make it to the Turkey Day break, i'd make it through this semester, but today i learned that i have two major papers due the day before the break and two due the day after. wtf?!?! i'm exhausted, and i want to enjoy my holiday! it's my American right to glutton and shop without having to worry about Native Americans or homework. i smell a lawsuit.
-i went to my boss on Wednesday and told her that i was going to off myself at any second and asked if i could spend Friday working outside with a friend instead of in my Dilbert cubicle. because i'm a spoiled worker, she said "have fun" so tomorrow i will be enjoying the fresh air and calling my office bound co-workers to rub their faces in it.
-remember how my whole stomach finally turned into an ulcer last week (thanks to that exam)? well it was worth the trauma to my body because i got the second highest grade in the class. (i consider that feat an accomplishment even though half the class has dropped because it's too hard for their pea brains to handle.)
-i have been in such a crusty mood lately that i'm going to start carrying around my Christmas shopping list and scratching people out when they piss me off. with any luck, i'll only be shopping for myself come December.
well i appreciate everyone voting in my poll, but you guys were no help. clearly, there is no winner in the 6 word story contest. damn you all to hell.
i just had a smoky treat with my peeps, and it was delicious. it was everything i had hoped it would be and much, much more. i'm tempted to buy a pack, but then i'd have to smoke in secret since Bitter Half quit and all. i do believe, however, that the only way i will finish out this semester is by indulging in a nicotine habit. this caffeine one just isn't cutting it anymore.
so i'm planning to graduate next semester which means i need to get into the senior creative writing class. normally, the prof asks for a portfolio or some type of writing sample, but this particular one wants a story. sound hard? not really, right? get this. he wants a six word story. six freakin' words!!! you'd think it wouldn't be time consuming since it's only six words, but i've been thinking about this assignment for days. i need your help. i've written a few and would like you guys to vote. feel free to comment, too. my life sucks. the poll is over to the left. thanks in advance. and here's a link to the article that started this whole fiasco: Very Short Stories
-so Saddam Hussein was found guilty of crimes against humanity. what a poetic conviction! it's such a beautiful term for such an ugly act. i'd like to have that on my resume, but, quite frankly, it sounds like too much work.
-Ridley Scott called Russell Crowe a "puppy dog." i think that's his underhanded way of calling him a little bitch.
-kids in a California school district will be fingerprinted if buying lunch in the cafeteria which makes it official: school food is a crime.
in order to finish this last fucking semester. i have never been so close to something and yet felt so far. serenity now!!!
-i'm so tired my eyeballs hurt.
-i think the reason this civilization is in a decline is because there are no good Saturday morning cartoons. kids are growing up to be overmedicated pansies because Bugs Bunny isn't on to show them the way.
-i hate everyone today. (except my Bitter Half because he gave me $150 to go shopping. woo hoo!)
Kanye West. i don't get it. he's talented, intelligent, and good looking, and yet he continues to rant like an uneducated fucktard every chance he gets. his latest 'i'm not happy unless everyone showers me with arbitrary kudos' display was at the European MTV award show last night where he ran onstage during another musician's acceptance speech to tell the audience that he should have won instead. if his sense of well being is based on getting fucking trophies from everyone, then he can have this one. he just has to come to my house and fish it out of the toilet bowl where i deposited it. (i'll even line up my weasels so he can give an acceptance speech.)
-i think i'd rather pull out my toenails with pliers than hear that damn Show Stopper song one more time.
-i'm already failing miserably at my novel writing goal. in fact, i'm too ashamed to admit how many words i wrote yesterday, but i'll give you a hint. i think this post is going to be longer...
-the hardest exam of my Tech career was today. i'm sure i did well.
-i'm on my way to meet T.D. for soup and sammiches at Jason's Deli. mmm...tasty!
to begin with, he dresses himself like a giant cigarette for a living and then he feels the need to be married to multiple wives simultaneously. all men i've ever met can barely handle one woman. that tool was crazy to think he could handle four.
