working out

i decided to incorporate this new workout into my routine. i'll make sure and do it in front of the cardio section where everyone can see.

journalism at its best

not even Nancy Grace's employees like her.

grouchy

why am i grouchy? a couple of reasons. if you've ever watched a soap opera, the writers often do what soap fans call SORASing which is soap opera rapid aging syndrome. that means a three year old kid will show up tomorrow as a teen in order to introduce a new, exciting character. any discrepancies this may cause on old story lines is never discussed. what does this have to do with me? i think i've been SORASed. i feel like i'm a hundred. (and unlike in the soaps, i'm not a new and exciting character, i don't have a super high paying job that i'm way underqualified for and to which i never have to actually go, i don't wake up with perfect hair and make-up, and i don't have a lineage that takes a rocket scientist to figure out.) i've been having a pain in my side the past few days, and it's getting worse. i blamed Bitter Half for elbowing me in the night, but seeing as how i haven't really been sleeping and when i do finally get some shut eye i wake easily, that's a crumbly accusation. i hope i don't have a cracked rib.

the other reason i'm grouchy is because i got an email from the douche bags that did my graduation pics. when i checked it the day after the big event, i could steal the images and was planning on posting them here. i guess they wised up, and my stupid ass didn't save them at the time i tested them. now everything's blocked. i can't right click, copy, screen capture, or anything. if anyone knows how else to do it, let me know. i did get to save a tiny thumbnail from the email, and if i want you guys to be able to see it, it will be pixelated to the point of atrocity. that might be all you get.

shiver me timbers

the post title doesn't really have anything to do with this post, but i like it.

i just put forty five freakin' dollars worth of gas in my Honda. wtf?!?! since i usually use my managerial skills to delegate the aquisition of fuel to some lowly minion like Bitter Half, i don't generally get to see the little plastic numbers keep climbing higher and higher. at around thirty five dollars i said a prayer for the damn thing to stop. i pleaded. i begged. but it kept rising. at forty i was pummeling the thing with my fists and wondering it if it was broken. it finally stopped just under the forty five mark. i almost couldn't afford my daily ration of Rockstars. i tell you what. when i have to cut back on my caffeine consumption just to afford gas, someone is going to pay dearly.

new ways to torture myself

i just worked out so hard, i feel as if i'm going to vomit. now that i've painted that eloquent picture, here are my future plans. this past semester i was pretty sedentary since i all i did was write and read and wish i was dead. i think i lost all muscle mass. my only exercise was the x-biking class i was attending twice a week. this is no spin class mind you. spin feels like a nap in comparison. in fact, just thinking of x-biking makes me break a sweat. anyhoo, if i go to x-biking twice a week and don't gorge like that glutton fucker on Se7en, then i maintain my weight. however, i wish to lose 15 pounds so i'm going to continue to attend x-biking and add at least three spin classes a week to that regimen. along with some weight lifting to tone up my atrophied limbs, i think i can lose weight fairly quickly. i also plan on dieting. that's the hard part since i put bacon above Bitter Half on the friends list. i'd put a little ticker tape thing on the blog so everyone can congratulate or point and laugh at me, but i seriously am about to pass out from my vigorous work out.

the politics of the office

in case you've never worked in an office, there is a procedure for everything. and that means you submit tickets whenever you have a problem so that the ticket can be routed to the right department and handled by the right person. it's effective but slow. well the other day, one of the supervisors of a technical support department popped into one of my department's meetings to reaasure us that her team was there for anything we might need. she stressed the anything part. instantly, our little bloodshot eyes gleamed an evil gleam. here is the ticket i submitted:

EMPLOYEE OR CONTRACTOR: Christine XXXXXXXX

REGION: W. TX

LOCATION: LBK

CONTACT PHONE NUMBER: XXX.XXX.XXXX

BILLING PLATFORM: XXX

DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF REQUEST: I need a Rockstar. (pref zero carb)




here is the response:

Dear Christine XXXXXXXX,

Thank you for contacting XXX Support. Your request has been denied at this time. It is suggested that you bring your own drinking materials in the future.

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MSG. It will be ignored. If you have any questions, keep them to yourself as they will be ignored as well. We hope this has been helpful. Thank you, and have a pleasant day.




how helpful was that? hardly so i replied:

your dept sux!




and, of course, they replied:

You were not to respond. Previous message has been ignored. I mean really ignored.



i think i'm going to submit a ticket to the HR department telling them that i work in a hostile work environment.

squak

i ran across this vid by accident. i had been looking a a video of a crazy bird when i saw this one in the "related videos" section. it's not related except for the name of the band which is Exotic Birds. anyhow, it's the most ridiculous thing i've seen in quite some time, and that includes the Heroes finale last night. in case you're having trouble noticing the most ridiculous part, pay close attention to the person playing the synthesizers. it will be hard to recognize him with that bouffant of eighties hair, but keep looking. you'll get a close up of him while the douche bag lead singer does all the talking on the interview.

i must rent Shark Attack 3!

i'm at work not working when i run across this little vid. i particularly like the sharks. they're def a must see! the troll guy is pretty funny, too.

christine to the rescue!

i got up early to start a load of laundry before the gym this morning so that when i got back i could just put it in the dryer. when i returned, i found a little, scared bird trapped in the laundry room. he kept flying at the window and butting the glass with his little bird head. i opened the door, but some ass hat broke the gizmo that props the door open. the bird wouldn't fly towards the door with me standing next to it. i'm not good at solving these little problems and wished Bitter Half was there. he can fix anything with a chicken wing and a paperclip. there were some books in there so i tried wedging various sizes under the door to no avail. finally, i lugged a trash can over which is no small feat seeing how i have a little bit of an aversion to germy, disgusting receptacles. (i'm sure i appear more and more neurotic with each post.) anyhow, after some configuring on my part, i got the damn thing to hold the door open. the little bird flew right out as happy as can be. attention Al Gore: i've done my environmental good deed for the year so get off my back.

hmmm.

so i haven't checked my blog stats in about thirty years. i'm scoping them out today, and i'm getting some wierd visitors. there are some hits about pee, poop, and a lot about leg dents. i'm not sure when my blog became so juvenile so what's up with the bodily function hits? and as for these leg dent problems...maybe they're something i should look into instead of dismissing them as my own freakish physical traits. who knows, but i'm a bit of a crabby patty today since i took something to help me sleep last night. i'm still groggy, and it's freaking 4:30 in the afternoon. i can't work like this, and i probably can't go to the gym like this. last week i got into a fight with my spin bike and lost so i'm hoping that incident won't repeat itself today. i'll keep you posted.

my mouf is dumb.

i just got back from the dentist, and my mouth is numb. i know i said i'd post pics, but i'm also a liar so there. i will attempt to do that as soon as possible which means after i watch a semester's worth of DVRed episodes of Days of our Lives.

so i got up early and went to get some dental work redone. now i'm at home. i have nothing to do. it's weird because i'm kind of bored. i'd go to the gym if i didn't think i'd drool all over the weights. maybe i'll take a nap or go look at the dogs at the pet store. speaking of pets, i was browsing houses until the wee hours last night. (i'm sure that segue made no sense to anyone but me.) i think i'm going to call my realtor friend and go buy me one. apartment living is for the birds!

i hope everyone is having as fabulous a morning as i am. (well it was fabulous minus the sixty inch needle that stabbed my jaw earlier.) i need to go stuff my mouth with cotton or something.

graduation

sorry i've been such a douche bag by not posting. today was my graduation, and it was nerve racking. i'm not sure why since this should have been the easy part. it was hot and the lights were making me dizzy and i had to pee. nonetheless, it went faster than i had imagined considering about 6.2 billion students were graduating. Bitter Half and the family took pics so hopefully i'll get those posted soon. i'm also getting rich since monetary gifts seem to be the norm for college graduation presents. i have enough for a down payment on that Jeep that i've been eyeballing. so i guess the big question now is, what the hell am i going to do? who knows. i just want to relax, work out, and watch TV for a while. i'll be celebrating tonight with some friends and family so i will probably be hurting tomorrow since my liver is out of practice, but i'll try to get those pics up anyway. ciao!

this semester's numbers

first of all, let me apologize for not posting lately. this semester has been a killer. but in the words of that creepy baby faced thing on The Matrix, "IT IS FINISHED." so without further adieu, here are the numbers.

17- books read

90- short stories read

15- articles read

1- novel written

40,160- words in said novel

4- short stories written

4- thesis papers written

6- presentations given

0- final exams taken

2- midterms taken

1- diploma pending

2- majors included in said diploma

2- funerals attended

1- new bad habit aquired

and i'm done with everything! now i just have to sit back and wait for graduation which will be next Saturday. i plan on imitating a sloth until then.