setting the tone

as soon as i arrived at work today, a coworker said, "morning," to which i replied, "God, i fucking hate people."

i quit.

i have too many assignments looming, too many exams around the corner, and too many dolts in my classes to continue any longer. and to make matters worse, three of my instructors are requiring my attendance at several evening functions. wtf?!?! some of us are not leeches on the disgusting belly of society which means we have jobs. we have lives. we have better fucking things to do. (and some of us have a weird blogging obsession, too.) anyway, i'm a little bitter right now because i forgot to charge my iPod so i'm stuck listening to work banter. luckily i had the new Deftones CD in my car so my work speakers are working overtime in order to offend my office neighbors. speaking of neighbors, i got a new one. (not downstairs where Crotchtastic used to be but next door because apparently i ran off all my neighbors at once.) i can hear the water running and stuff rustling inside, but i haven't seen them. i'm hoping it's just a ghost because i think i like apparitions better than real people. anyhow, a peep from Dallas is in town this weekend so Tangerine Dream wants to go drinking, but i have a really difficult exam next week for which i need to prepare. i haven't really read the textbook at all, and it's over stuff like neuropharmacology and neurotransmission. crikey! i haven't taken a biology course in about a century so this stuff isn't fresh on my mind. i also haven't been taking notes because i'm a slacker. this post started with an agenda, and now it's digressed into a muddled mess. i'm going to close it before it takes on a life of it's own.

p.s. this Deftones cover of Simple Man is pretty good. i think i'll put it on repeat until someone asks me to clock out and leave.

decisions, decisions

well this Friday, i can go see Alice in Chains or Bowling for Soup, but since no one ever made my clone like i requested on a previous post, i can't go to both. normally, i'd give this one to Alice in Chains hands down, but i'm not too sure about the new singer. also, i'm afraid i will get wasted, and i have a long day on Saturday. if i go see Bowling, i can glutton myself some more at the fair because that's where the show will be held. what should i do?

accomplishments

here's an update of what i consumed at the fair:

-foot long corny dog
-fried Snickers
-fried cheese on a stick
-stuffed baked potato (with chili, cheese, and sour cream)
-a quarter of a piece of fudge
-enough Coke to kill a horse of considerable size

not bad considering i was there for less than four hours. i can feel my blood coagulating as we speak.

as far as the list of things i was supposed to do before the fair, here goes:

-finished reading my 3 short stories
-attended a reading by Dorothy Allison
-read and critiqued 4 short stories by my peers (i forgot this one on my first list.)

i did not, however, prepare for my exam, read anything out of my textbooks, write my short story, or do my research article review. i'm screwed.

a list of things i plan to gorge on at the fair

-foot long corny dog
-fried Snickers
-funnel cake with chocolate drizzled on top
-fried cheese on a stick
-cotton candy
-caramel apple
-fried Twinkie
-fudge
-turkey leg

in that order. i am guessing i will only get through the funnel cake before i wimp out and call it quits, though. and the turkey leg is coming home with me.

i got out of work surprisingly early for a Saturday (7:30) so i thought of heading to the fair tonight, but i already told Tangerine Dream we'd go together and that a-hole is at work. so i think i might go to a movie, but all i see is garbage playing. damn. i can't go get drunk because riding shoddy fair rides after eating the aforementioned list of food while hungover is not a bright idea. what the hell am i supposed to do now?

my bra squeaks.

i'm not really sure why, but everytime i move i can hear it. squeak, squeak. i think the underwire is rubbing against the fabric.

random shit

-my downstairs neighbor, Crotchtastic, is moving. it sucks because he lets me stomp around like a demented serial killer. plus, he never reports me for busting out the neighborhood's eardrums with my loud music. i hope he doesn't get replaced with some rickety old lady who beats the ceiling with her cane everytime i hiccup.

-i told Bitter Half that i wanted a digital video camera so i can offend people with homemade movies. he said he'd get me one if i promised to occasionally go record him when he plays girl disc golf. i asked him how may times a year i had to suffer through that experience, and he said, "two." i enthusiastically agreed to which he said, "damn it. i should have started higher." sucker!

-i just told my coworker he needs to bring homemade breakfast tomorrow morning. i placed an order for pancakes in the shape of famous buildings such as the Eiffel Tower, the Taj Majal, and the Louvre. breakfast should be the most inspiring meal of the day, if you ask me.

-my heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, and it sounds like i have Turret's. and yet i'm still considering drinking more coffee today. i hope i don't have to call 911.

-i dreamt i was preggo last night. of course i also dreamt i was in a futuristic society where people used high speed trains to zip around in an overpopulated world so don't read too much into it.

TV

well Criminal Minds was pretty good, but it was a tad predictable, i think. i had the ending figured out pretty early in the show, but then again i am a superhuman. here's something interesting, though. i had recorded Law & Order: SVU and Law & Order: Criminal Intent for later viewing, and i finally got to watch them. they were both really good, but Criminal Intent was phenomenal. (that's not the interesting part. patience, my friend.) as i was watching it, i thought it felt different. something wasn't right. it was hard to put my finger on it at first, and then it hit me like a knee in the groin. it was the music. normally, there is no musical score to the show, but this time there was. then i noticed other differences. the production was different, and there was no "thoink, thoink" either. it was like i was watching a whole other show! i've said before that i don't like change, and so these differences really disturbed me. if the story line hadn't been so great, i'd have been really upset. i plan to write a strongly worded letter if this new style isn't just for the season opener.

you can do it!

i almost ditched work again today, but then i remembered i needed copies of my short story so i came in to use the office copier. us poor folk can't afford to go to Kinko's. here's a list of things i need to get done ASAP so i can hit the fair on Sunday and not have anything eating away at me.

-another short story. this time it only has to be about 6 pages.

-a research article review

-finish reading 3 short stories

-read about 8 chapters in my two Psych books

-prepare for my first major exam

-attend a reading by Dorothy Allison

i also need to watch the new Criminal Minds. the season starts today, and i'm so excited it's sad. my trusty DVR will be holding it for me until i get home because i plan on hitting the gym or the park after work. yesterday, Tangerine Dream and i went to the park on campus and had us a power walk. (since T.D. was crampy we stuck to a brisk pace, but i'm tempted to see how fast i can run a mile.) who knew i could like the outdoors so much? it was really great. i need to take advantage of the pleasant weather before i have to hibernate. so, does anyone think i can actually get all this shit done before Sunday? i know i don't, but i'm going to give her the ol' college try...and i don't mean the kind that involves keg stands and crushed Ritalin.

playing hooky

i ditched work today. i just couldn't muster the effort. if you're wondering if that's a good idea seeing as how every other one of my posts is bitching about money, don't fret. i get paid even when i don't show up. it's a cush job. anyhow, i was fairly productive here at home. i cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, and hit the gym. i also slept in late since i ditched my doc appointment, too. man, i'm such a lazy buffoon! now i have to write a 7-20 page short story for one of my classes, and i haven't even started it. i'm waiting for inspiration to strike, and apparently inspiration is difficult to come by when you're playing games on Pogo. on a different note, as i was walking to the laundry room, i could smell fall in the air. i don't know if that happens in other places, but here in Lubbock, there is a distinct difference between seasons. it hits suddenly, too. i plan on taking advantage of the lack of searing weather to run outside rather than at the gym tomorrow. i hope i don't collapse into a wheezing pile of untanned skin because i'm not used to being outside. i'll let you know how it goes.

if i was a Simpson character

here's what i'd imagine myself to look like. i gave myself blue hair because my hair is currently a bluish purple. i don't generally smoke unless i'm drinking, but i'm at school so cut me some slack. i gave myself the Maggie eyes because my eyes are freakishly huge in real life. as for the wardrobe- i do like the slutty red lipstick and am fond of wearing short skirts. you're probably wondering why i'm creating myself into a cartoon character. well, it's to avoid doing homework, of course.

bunch of nothing

-i bought some generic deodorant the other day because i was trying to save a dollar. it doesn't work so well. on the plus side, maybe people will begin avoiding me.

-my blog was finally flagged for profanity on BE. it only took about a quarter of a million uses of the F word.

-i'm way behind on my school work. my motivation went down the toilet somewhere during my freshman year. however, dear old Dad has hinted at a graduation gift so i'd better pull something out of my ass.

-i wish i had enough money to go get drunk.

-i'm still in mourning over losing my last fish, Mikey, who i had for several years, but i'm thinking of getting a new Betta. i'll name him Phineas so i can call him Finny for short (after the character in A Separate Peace.) if i do, i'll post pics so everyone can admire him.

-thankfully i get cable virtually free or i'd have nothing to do. i'm thinking of whoring myself for movie tickets so i can go see the new Edward Norton film.

so true

just checking

on the way to work today i saw a car with a vanity license plate of 'hoochie.' i looked to see if it was my sister, but it wasn't.

"ginormous header"

thanks to Michael's rude ass comment on my last post, i thought i'd elaborate on the "ginormous header" situation. the night before last, i was bored at home and trying to find a way to shirk doing homework so i decided to mess around with my blog. i decided to create a new header, but i wasn't sure how big i wanted it so i created the one you see now just to get an idea. i thought it was too big, but i wasn't planning to keep it long. i was going to replace it with the one i was designing. unfortunately, i got distracted with browsing music online so the header was never created. i decided go to bed early for once, and i was too lazy to change it. honestly, the header was visible from about a mile away so i thought it was pretty funny, but i wasn't sure if it was just me. so i asked Bitter Half for his opinion. his expression said the header was ridiculous, but his words said, "it's fine." so i went to bed. i actually forgot about it so when i pulled up my blog yesterday, i was shocked and appalled but still too lazy to change it. so there. i'll try to get around to doing something this weekend, but until then you'll have to live with it.

today on the bus i was attacked...

by someone's eyebrows. do some people not have mirrors?

go away

i had a doc appointment this morning so i squeezed in an early bird workout with Tangerine Dream. i should have gone to work instead because i've been shirking this week, and i will regret it come payday. i'm already wondering how the hell i'm going to finish paying for this semester, and don't get me started on what i'm going to do for the next one. and i still want the new iPod. what was the point of this post? oh, yeah- the gym. so i'm kicking my ass on the eliptical trainer and making my ears bleed with the Deftones. all is good with the world. that's when a group of women shows up and gets on the neighboring machines. they're talking so loud that i lose my Zen state of mind. it's not just the two next to me. there's a woman on the row of treadmills in front of ours who is turning around and joining yelling in their conversation. i can't very well turn my iPod up anymore because it's already at near concert level. i mad dog the one in front when she turns around, but she's a buffoon. it's my opinion that if you are not short of breath and unable to hold a conversation, you are not working out. go the hell home.

gifts

well i wasn't really expecting any gifts because i only know broke losers who order off the Wendy's dollar menu, but somehow i had a pretty good birthday. the maternal unit made me a special coffee blend that was dee-lish. she also gave me various health and beauty items because she knows i love that stuff. Tangerine Dream gave me a CD of pirated music. you pretty much can't go wrong with music when it comes to me. then Bitter Half used all his powers and skills to make me a fabulous and fattening dinner which was a complete and total surprise. he was full of little secrets this year because, aside from the dinner and the cake i mentioned yesterday, he also surprised me with a funny card. it's unlike him to be so covert. overall, my birthday was understated and relaxing which is exactly what i had hoped.

happy birthday to me. happy birthday to me.

the big day is here, and i'm another year older. i have no big plans because it's a Monday and because ever since "the" September 11th, i'm happy with a non-eventful birthday. if the day just slips by unnoticed, then it's exactly like i wished. last night at exactly midnight, bitter half walked out of the bedroom with a little birthday cake that was all lit up with candles. then he sang to me. you can't ask for a better celebration than stuffing yourself with sweets right before bed. this morning i slept in which was my birthday present to myself. now it's off to work and the gym like usual. well...maybe i'll skip the gym and go stuff myself some more. thanks to everyone who remembered.

random news

-an elephant can speak in a human voice and utter basic words. it's unknown if he understands the words, however. i believe this skill qualifies him to attend Texas Tech.

-a Swiss driver who was caught speeding said he was enjoying a lack of goats in the road. apparently that's a problem in his home country. why, i enjoy a lack of goats everyday, too.

-this news item is almost too horrifying to post. if you have a stomach of steel, click on the link and look at the picture. who is that ugly woman? i can't even type it. it's that horrible.

if you...

are using Internet "I Suck Ass" Explorer, you are probably having trouble clicking on the links i put on the last post. for some reason Blogger keeps refreshing the page. get Firefox already, dammit.

there's a guy sleeping on the meat!

here's episode 3 of the Chad Vader series. it's not as good as the first two, in my opinion, but it has its moments. if you need to see episodes 1 and 2, you can find them here: episode 1 episode 2

i'm bossy!

i just ordered a coworker to go get me a brownie...and he did!!!

i have another year of this crap?

here's what happened at school today:

-in one of my classes, my instructor was lecturing on evolution. he began to mention the missing link, and several minutes into this section, a girl raised her hand and asked him what he meant by missing link. she's in fucking college, and she had never heard that term. i almost kicked her chair to get her attention and tell her i was looking at it, but i forced myself to control my impulses.

-one of the most annoying girls i've run across at Tech fell today...desk and all. i think she's mildly retarded.

-after a full day of class, i was too lethargic to walk to my car so i decided to wait for a bus. i was armed with a crossword puzzle and expecting a pleasant wait. however, as i walked up, a douche saw me and said, 'i like your hair.' i didn't really mind too much because when you have purple hair, you should expect comments. he went on to tell me he'd considered dyeing his hair green. so far he's not really bothering me. then, he told me that, along with green hair, he'd like to wear white face paint, a purple suit, and yellow teeth so he'd look like The Joker. he went on to tell me why The Joker should not be feared. his rationale was that he's just a clown, and there is no real reason that anyone should be afraid of clowns. after all, they're just people under all that makeup. i looked around for the bus so i could throw myself in front of it, but it was running late.

it's the second week of school and...

i'm already way behind. i have a procrastination habit, and it's ugly. i have yet to crack a textbook, but i am current on my required novel reading so i guess that's something. here's a list of my classes this semester:

-Proper Hand Gestures in Public 2301
-The Art of Telling Tall Tales to Help the Texas Tech Student Pretend the American Education System Actually Works 3351 (i'm taking this one twice.)
-Blaming Your Mental Problems on Your Biology 3327
-All the Ways You Can Be Screwed When the Condom Fails 4310

and what the hell am i doing instead? blogging. i'm such a waste of skin at this point. oooh! Futurama's on. got to go.

me being weird again

if you aren't familiar with West Texas, you may not know how freakin' flat it is. it's weird if you're not accustomed to it. a person can see for eternity from wherever they are standing. because of this geological trait and my penchant for the dramatic, i often daydream while i'm driving. i imagine things happening in the distance. one of the things i picture a lot is the basis for an upcoming TV series. while the show looks kind of cheesy, the first part of this preview is a little glimpse into my twisted mind.

rain

it's been raining for the past few days. that's really uncommon in West Texas. i'm enjoying the hell out of it.

The Plan

most of you know i'm an insomniac who is struggling with a particularly stubborn bout as of late. but i have concocted The Plan. here it is:

1. i will take a really hot, melt your skin off, bath. it should be relaxing and therapeutic once the first aid is administered.

2. i'll drink some Sleepytime tea. it's soothing and a natural sleep inducer. plus it tastes like spearmint.

3. i'll read the textbook for my Physiology of Psychology class because nothing could put me to sleep faster than reading about neuropharmacology and magnetic resonance imaging.

4. if i'm still awake after steps 1-3, i'm declaring myself a zombie and resorting to attacking the living. the plus side is that i don't need to do laundry because zombies always have tattered and dirty clothing.

sabotage at the maxi pad

i have a Geek Squad magnetic poetry kit on my fridge that i got at Best Buy a long ass time ago. i wrote a poem on it that goes like this:

laptop
i would eradicate
civilians for you

today, however, i noticed someone added a poem. i'm not sure how long it's been there because i never really pay attention. it says:

mission control
deploy the sledgehammer
obliterate computer

what the hell? who did this? speak up, you infidel!